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ex machina

really, officer, my pupils are dilated because...

i went to our local lasik chop shop to see if i'd qualify for the surgery before the new year. the mothership is changing its reimbursement policy after december 31st, so it's in my best interest to have the procedure done soon. naturally, i've waited until the last possible minute and had to go in today for a preliminary in order to ensure that i could get penciled in for the surgery on dec 30th.

i think the testing lady was under the impression that i was more informed about what was going on, because she didn't do much explaining and before i knew it, my eyes were numbed and dilated. the dilation process started off slow so i didn't think it was going to be a big deal, but i knew things were going to change when the woman told be that i should quickly read and sign the long list of potential side effects and complications before i lost the ability to read the page. she then casually says that if i didn't bring any sunglasses, things will probably be pretty bright when i go outside. of course, i don't have any sunglasses and at this point, i'm thinking it might have been a good idea to have kris drive me to the appointment.

i convince myself that it can't be that bad. that probably people all over the country are leaving lasik exam appointments with dilated, numbed eyes right this moment and getting home just fine. and hey, it's not really that far back to house. if i stay off the highway, everything will be smooth.

i step outside into the brightest of bright sunshine, as i actually cower a little and try to block the sun, which is impossibly bright and coming in from all directions. as i open the car door, which forces me to stop blocking the sun from my eyes, i realize that driving is going to require having at least on hand on the wheel. i briefly contemplate driving home with my knees. i try to imagine explaining to kris how i crashed the car while covering my eyes and driving with my knees and eventually come to the conclusion that it's probably not one of my best ideas.

instead, i do a combination of squinting and brow-furrowing, while shading my eyes with one hand. i lean in a far-forward position, which should be familar to anyone who has seen their grandmother drive. i imagine that i'm doing a good job as i squint at the dashboard which isn't coming into focus, while trying to figure out how fast i'm going.

a chorus of car horns and passing vehicles indicate that it's going to be a long drive home.

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12/13/2003 05:49:00 PM 0 comments


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[ rhetoric ]

"it is hard to be brave," said piglet, sniffing slightly, "when you're only a Very Small Animal." rabbit, who had begun to write very busily, looked up and said: "it is because you are a very small animal that you will be Useful in the adventure before us."

the complete tales & poems of winnie the pooh

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this site chronicles the continuing adventures of my son, odin, who was unexpectedly born on the fourth of july at 25 weeks gestation, weighing 1 pound 7 ounces.

he's quite a fighter and you can always send him a postcard to the most current address listed here if you're inspired by his adventures. see the postcard project/google maps mashup to see a map of the postcards.

if you're new, you can browse the archives to catch up. and don't forget to watch a few movies that i made while we were in the neonatal intensive care unit. or if you want the abridged version and you can find a copy, you can read about his adventures in the november 2005 issue of parents magazine.

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