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ex machina

the eric update - day 5: the discharge blues

everyone tells you it's going to happen. you're running on vapor and adrenaline for days on end, as a stupendously wonderful support team of family, friends and specialists forms around you. you can't believe that something so fragile can possibly be making so much progress in so little time. time passes. news that you can't almost stand to bear keeps getting better and better. and almost without warning, you're staring at them.

disharge papers.

and after weathering so many challenges, the best you can muster is guilt.

you're going home and he isn't.

sure. he's got some cozy accomodations and best support that anyone can ask for. but still. after you leave, he's still here. getting poked and prodded. rubbing his eyes and looking around. thrusting his legs and arms, still likely confused as to where his boundaries went, until maybe nurse jan comes by and tucks him in or holds his legs and arms against his chest to fool him into thinking that he just might possibly still be in the womb.

but despite no tubes and a whole lot of great progress, you're still sad because you're not there. and that's when you realize a whole new kind of hard is only just beginning.

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7/09/2004 09:24:00 PM 3 comments


E3 & Kris,
You were patiently waiting in anticipation for "baby Snowdeal" to arrive sometime in October. Don't feel guilty now. You are still anticipating "his" arrival sometime between now and October. Instead of ultrasound pictures, E3 has been able to take very special live pictures and mom and dad can watch the daily development of E4 with even more total amazement than if he were still in the womb!

I am sorry that I am enough of a geek that it seems natural to refer to dad and son as E3 and E4... I love you both more that any alpha-numeric designation can EVER portray. E3 was beautiful at 26 weeks (see Rier photos), though a bit anorexic, and E4 is as beautiful as any Grandpa could ever hope. I am anticipiting smothering him with hugs and kisses until he loses his breath from giggling, but will patiently wait until October, if that is what it takes.

For now, the job for all of us is the same as it was a week ago... do the best we can to keep mom and baby healthy until that day when they are at home together... and then protect them with all our might.

May God keep shining on all of you,

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:05 AM  

Good morning Eric, Kris, and Eric Snowdeal IV
Quite a saga especially to view it from this perspective. You are so far away, but we are so informed. It's great to ba able to following along. You'll have quite a record.
We think and speak of you all often and send our love and energies your way. It's just amazing. It's also strange how history repeats itself. You usually think in terms of global history, but the saying seems to apply. Nell is here for the summer and is keeping up to date, too.

Uncle David, Aunt Robin, and Nell

By Blogger Uncle David, at 10:41 AM  

hi david ( and pops, of course )! we're heading over to the hospital after a good night's sleep ( or whatever passes for a good night's sleep of late ). it's been so great to see all the family, friends and even stangers ( - as the 'ex machina' rhetoric alludes, i don't mind strangers ) posting comments, emailing, writing on the web and just generally following along.

it helps make things more "real" to me, since even despite it all, it's hard to digest all the input at once. and it's obviously nice way for everyone who's scattered all over the place to follow along.

i can't imagine what i'd do if i actually had to call all of you separately and give you all of these details :-)

off to the hospital....

By Blogger e3, at 11:22 AM  

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