ex machina
the eric update - day 223: On Associating Mamma with Falling Asleep.
it appears as it's been 60 days since my last "is it sleepy time or wakey time?" update and, oh my, how times have changed!
you might recall that two months ago it seemed that odin was headed on the fast track for full nights of sleep in his crib instead of his co-sleeper. well, he's in the crib, but he's slowly slipped from sleeping 3-4 hours a night before waking to only getting 45 minutes to an hour of sleep, which is not very healthy since it disrupts his ability to go into deep REM sleep. and when he wakes up, instead of lulling himself back to sleep, he lets everyone know that he'd really rather prefer a bit of "comfort" nursing before going back to bed. so kris isn't getting any sleep either.
and while he hasn't been sleeping for long periods of time, he at least has been going to sleep quickly at his regular bedtime thanks to the The Four Bees. that is, until recently. a few weeks ago we noticed that it was taking longer and longer for him to go to sleep and he seemed to be having a n increasingly difficult time staying asleep immediately after the bedtime ritual if kris wasn't sitting close at hand.
he's not sick and we know that most of the time he's having trouble sleeping without comfort nursing that he's not hungry, so it seems that odin is developing a classic case of Associating Mamma with Falling Asleep.
so, what to do? while we haven't read every book on infant sleeping, the ones we have read, such as "healthy sleep habits, happy child" and "the no cry sleep solution" recommend that after you reach 4 months (adjusted) in age, it's time to get proactive about creating healthy sleep habits before things get out of control. and while there's not a lot of debate about when to start doing something, there's lots to debate when it comes to what to do. with regards to a case of "Associating Mamma with Falling Asleep" "healthy sleep habits, happy child" recommended plan is along the lines of; 1. close the door at 7 p.m. 2. turn off the baby monitor 3. as long as you're sure the infant isn't hungry or in danger, you let her scream all night long. 4. repeat for several nights. the second night generally considered to be the "worst" night. on the other end of the spectrum you have the procedures and protocols outline in "the no cry sleep solution", in which you engage in an elaborate process of "weaning" the infant from Associating Mamma with Falling Asleep.
we've chosen to go with yet another alternative by modifying "progressive" ferber method, which is much closer to the approach outlined in "the no cry sleep solution", but much less elaborate.
the first plan of attack is to put odin down when he's drowsy, but not asleep so he gets more practice at getting used to putting himself to sleep in his crib. if he "fusses" then we stand nearby to confort him for 2 minutes and then we leave the room for up to 5 minutes. after 5 minutes, if he's still fussing or (gasp!) crying we'll return the to the room for 2-3 minutes and leave again for 5 more minutes. we repeat as necessary, increasing the time we stay out of the room, to 7 minutes and then 10 minutes until two hours has passed at which time he can eat again. phew.
we were amazed at the results. while he does get upset when we leave the room for the first 5 minute period ( usually it takes him a few minutes to figure out we're not around and then a minute or two more to get "worked up" about it. ), he's always been able to put himself to sleep in the following 5 minute period! and coincident with this new approach, the interval he stays asleep at night has increased from 45 minutes to an hour to over 2.5 hours ( and occasionally 4 hours )! via the baby monitor, we've even heard him put himself back to sleep several times each night, which never used to happen. so we're very happy with the initial results, since it hasn't involved too much trauma.
assuming that we continue to see such postive benefits with this approach, we'll work on using similar techniques to gradually get odin's "sleep interval" from 2.5 hours to much more normal 5 hours by increasing the time between nighttime feedings by 15 minutes each week. this week we've already done well, since the baseline was 2 hours between feedings and without doing much of anything beyond putting him to bed differently we've seen his sleep interval jump past that mark. next week the baseline will be 2 hours and 15 minutes. and then 2 hours and 30 minutes and so on and so forth. most "sleep authorities" claim that by 4 months "most" babies are sleeping 5-6 hours uninterrupted, so we have our work cut out for us.
here's to hoping that there's more sleeping the next "sleep" update :-)
2/12/2005 10:13:00 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
"most "sleep authorities" claim that by 4 months "most" babies are sleeping 5-6 hours uninterrupted, so we have our work cut out for us."
I've read a lot of books on this subject and I'll tell you why: I keep a journal and I can tell you with absolute certianty that the first time my darling slept longer than 4 hours was at 6mos and 10 days old. He slept for 5.5 hours...and then didn't do it again until 2 weeks later. :) I, on the other hand, slept for exactly 4 of those 5.5 hours and spent the other 1.5 hours getting up every 15 minutes to make sure the little guy was still breathing :).
I wish you the sincerest best of luck with your sleep trials. we tried almost everything under the sun until we started doing a modified version of what you describe. It sounds like you're on the right track and I hope Odin continues to respond well!
This is NOT advice, BUT if ever you're in the market for a crib attaching 'mobile'/music makerr thingy: the 'Fisher Price Ocean Wonders Aquarium' has been a lifesaver for us in terms of sleep! At 30mos, Jacob still adores the thing. Heck, it puts me to sleep! ( love the sound of those rolling waves in time with Brahams lullaby).
By 
pumpkinhead, at
11:14 PM
"... I can tell you with absolute certianty that the first time my darling slept longer than 4 hours was at 6mos and 10 days old." |
whooooweeee, that's a lot of sleep deprivation. all praises to you and all (nursing) Mammas who deal with similar issues. we pappas do what we can, but sometimes sometimes it's impossible ( or at least very difficult ) to provide the proper amount of "comfort" :-)
we tried almost everything under the sun until we started doing a modified version of what you describe. It sounds like you're on the right track and I hope Odin continues to respond well! |
thanks for the positive comment. of course, since we seem to have misplaced the "official" handbook, we don't really have any idea if we're doing The Right Thing. we can only hope that we're taking our unique circumstances into account while we synthesize the overwhelming amount of available information In Real Time and make something approximating The Right Decision.
such is the plight of all new parents, i guess.
You are doing the right thing. We didn't for our first child and he was 4 1/2 years old and not able to go to sleep by himself! When #2 came alone we started right from the beginning putting him in bed awake so he could learn to put himself to sleep. The Bible says to "Train up a child in the way he should go", what great advise...that is really all we will ever do, "train", and it begins right from the start.
One question, are you doing this for nap-time too? My only advise...be consistant. Good Luck!
Lori
By 
, at
7:33 AM
"we don't really have any idea if we're doing The Right Thing. we can only hope that we're taking our unique circumstances into account while we synthesize the overwhelming amount of available information In Real Time and make something approximating The Right Decision."
Here's the kicker: Not ONLY do they not come with instrutions, but 'The Right Thing' is different for almost every baby! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa splat.
You both sound like very intuitive parents and you seem very in tune with your Odin. I personally think that this is the key: Trying different stratgegies and reading your child's response. If the response is favourable, then proceeding is the smart thing to do. If you hit a brick wall, then modification is in order.
I credit nursing and (partial co-sleeping) with saving my sanity in those early months.
I will tell you that my now 30 month old boy has been putting his ownself to sleep in his crib since around then 10 month mark. Yay :).
Good luck!
By pumpkinhead, at
8:54 AM
I've found that the kids go through phases. My motto is "do whatever gets everyone the most sleep" I don't believe you can develop "bad" habits if everyone is happy and sleeping. I've read a lot of sleep books. The biggest things I learned were to a. make sure they are allowed to get decent naps. and b. lower my expectations. Sometimes my kids need me in the night, just like they sometimes do during the day. Even Ethan who is five, occasionally has a bad dream or gets frightened or needs a drink. I expect when they're teens, they'll still wake me up in the night to tell me they forgot to do an important homework project or that they just came in from prom or whatever. That said, I found Dr. Ferber's ideas very helpful - expecially the idea that nobody really has zero consciousness at night. Even as adults, we wake a lot at night. Every book (even *gasp* Ezzo) that I read, had helpful ideas, but in the end, I took things from all sources and went with my own instinct. The best advice that I learned was to "lower expectations, go with the flow, and continually improvise and adjust to do whatever gets everyone the most sleep" The trick I used early on with Adam for disassociating comfort nursing with sleep was to wake him slightly before putting him down. Just jostle him enough so he's aware that he is going to bed. Then, I'd turn on his FP Aquarium music and he relates that to sleep (he'll even turn it on in the middle of the night if he needs soothing) Comfort nursing is great for getting a baby relaxed and ready for bed, but the biggest mistake is to then take the sleeping baby and tiptoe to put him down, because then later he'll wake up and think "where am I? Where did that boob go?" It's better to put them down while they're slightly awake and aware. Now I miss those days of being able to induce sleep with nursing. Eventually, it has the opposite effect and works just like coffee... sometimes at 5 am. ha Enjoy it while it lasts!
Comfort nursing is great for getting a baby relaxed and ready for bed, but the biggest mistake is to then take the sleeping baby and tiptoe to put him down, because then later he'll wake up and think "where am I? Where did that boob go?" It's better to put them down while they're slightly awake and aware. |
this is an important point. it's funny because we knew all along that it would be easy for odin to make the association between comfort nursing or our presence with falling asleep, but we didn't realize just how quickly he could solidify that association :-)
it's also hard to fight the "oh, i hear him stirring via the monitor so i'll go check on him" response, without giving him the chance to put himself back to sleep.
but the new strategy seems to be working well. at least until it doesn't work anymore and we have to come up with something new :-)
Yeah, baby monitors are a good invention, but unfortunately they pick up every little moan. I turned mine down to the lowest setting and put a towel over it so it only picked up a serious cry. Still, I'd find myself listening for the littlest whimper and wanting to check in too often. Darn that attachment instinct...
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this site chronicles the continuing adventures of my son, odin, who was unexpectedly born on the fourth of july at 25 weeks gestation, weighing 1 pound 7 ounces.
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